Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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