Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize