it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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