Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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