I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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