I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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