I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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