I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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