Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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