i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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