roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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