Your face is a jimmy john
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize