If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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