God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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