im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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