She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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