it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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