My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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