You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
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Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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