i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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