I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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