it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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