Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize