first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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