you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize