Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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