so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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