So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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