Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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