Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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