im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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