I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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