i may or may not be watching the land before time
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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