When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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