well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize