and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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