I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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