Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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