Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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