i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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