Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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