I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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