If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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