my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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