at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
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He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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