I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize