Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
me + whiskey = a bad person
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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