your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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