There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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