I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize